A public letter of apology to Peppa Pig

Dear Peppa,

I owe you an apology. I know this probably comes as a surprise since we became besties over the last few weeks but the truth is, I didn’t always like you. In fact, I have said some rather…unpleasant things about you and it’s been eating at me. Now I need to get this off my chest so that we can carry on with a clean and pure friendship.

Apologies

This isn’t easy and I think it’s best that we get the worst out of the way first. It is possible that I may have, on occasion,… compared your face to a deformed penis. There, I said it. I’m SO sorry! I didn’t know you then and I very unfairly and misguidedly judged you on appearance. Though to be fair, it is quite an unusual appearance. I mean, how are your eyes so flat on the side of your face?? And that nose! Ok I digress. I am very sorry for saying such mean things and I regret it immensely.

I also said that you were spoilt, a whiner, a brat, a show off and a few other things. Those were snap judgements made from watching bits and pieces of episodes. I am clearly a very judgey person and have some deep personal reflection to do. I promise to work on that.

I may have also thought some not very kind thoughts about your dad. He came across as a bit of a useless fellow, always getting things wrong and making mistakes. However, now that I have gotten to know him better I see that he is a really patient and loving father. I mean, you and George made paper airplanes out of his work documents and he very calmly followed you around the garden to find them instead of throwing you two into the duck pond. The man deserves a trophy! While he may make a few silly mistakes, he knows how to laugh at himself and then fixes things. Speaking of fixing things, he is REALLY good at mending stuff. That’s probably why Mummy Pig has such unwavering faith in him. He’s the best. And his tummy isn’t that big, you shouldn’t tease him about it.

While I’m at it, I have commented on the very unladylike snorting from Mummy Pig. I get it, she’s a pig and that’s what she does but it’s quite something those snorts! However, any mother who washes that many muddy clothes, without insisting on paving the entire yard, has my utmost respect. In fact, I will also start snorting to show solidarity. Your mummy is a legend Peppa! You should make her a cup of tea.

Building bridges

You know what I like about you Pepps? Can I call you Pepps? You are a real kid. You get angry. You do mean things. You get jealous. You tease your brother. You have a best friend who is bordering on frenemy (I adore Suzy by the way!) and that’s all ok. Kids are all those things and more. There’s a lot of complex emotions to work through as a kid and you’re not expected to be happy and friendly all the time, I know I’m not.

What I like most though, is your confidence. If you think you’re good at something, you own it. You speak respectfully to your mum and dad, your grandparents, as well as your friends parents but you aren’t afraid to speak your mind or correct them if they are wrong about something. While I hope my girls don’t pick up on some of your attitude, I have no problem with them emulating your self confidence.

You and George are a constant source of entertainment for us and I really hope that we can work through this. Our girls love you and would watch you all day if they could. In fact, we are all developing a slight British accent so they’re probably watching too much of you already.

I hope to hear from you soon,

Your very apologetic friend,

Nadia Human

P.S. Jarrod also said mean stuff about you so if you’re going to stay mad you should be mad at him since I apologised. Ok bye!

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