I didn’t realize how lucky I was. My period would come and go each month with no cramps, no mood swings, no cravings. Barely a blip on the radar. Then I had a child.
It takes a while for pregnancy hormones to balance out and for me it took almost a year for me to feel even close to my old stable self. Which is probably why I didn’t notice the changes in myself each month as soon as I should have. Now I realize that for 2 weeks out of each month I’m a bit of a train wreck. The week before my period I am constantly hungry, my boobs hurt like crazy and the slightest thing can trigger my temper. As soon as I get my period those symptoms disappear and I become incredibly depressed until a few days after it’s over. Then I’m back to my cheerful, optimistic self. Its so weird.
This became painfully clear just last week. My MIL is going to be moving in with us for a while. I knew for a while that this was going to happen and while it isn’t an ideal situation it’s great that A gets to spend time with her granny and that J can bond with his mum. I get along really well with her and she’s not intrusive at all. Plus it means having a trustworthy babysitter which is awesome. Two weeks ago we got the date that she was arriving. Unfortunately this coincided with my cycle and I just felt like my world was coming to an end. I was shattered. Heartbroken. I just couldn’t bear the thought of losing the time I have with A during the day. It felt like the family time that I treasure was being stolen from me. I just could not see a silver lining. I was devastated to the point of crying almost the whole plane ride home.
Four days later and I’m looking forward to her arriving. I’m planning Gran and grand daughter activities for them. Looking at weekend away options for all of us to see new places. It’s like a grey filter of doom has been lifted.
I apologized to J the other day. He bears the brunt of my mood swings and I know it can’t be easy. He said ‘it’s ok baby. I know you can’t help it. It just sucks that the effects linger.’ Which is true. I can’t take back the tears I shed which must have made him feel really crappy that I was so upset about his mum. All I can do is show that I am actually happy that she’s going to be here with us.
Maybe I should start meditating…